THE DOG

A child was standing on a street-corner. He leaned with one shoulder against a high board-fence and swayed the other to and fro, the while kicking carelessly at the gravel.
Sunshine beat upon the cobbles, and a lazy summer wind raised yellow dust which trailed in clouds down the avenue. Clattering trucks moved with indistinctness through it. The child stood dreamily gazing.
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After a time, a little dark-brown dog came trotting with an intent air down the sidewalk. A short rope was dragging from his neck. Occasionally he trod upon the end of it and stumbled.
He stopped opposite the child, and the two regarded each other. The dog hesitated for a moment, but presently he made some little advances with his tail. The child put out his hand and called him. In an apologetic manner the dog came close, and the two had an interchange of friendly pattings and waggles. The dog became more enthusiastic with each moment of the interview, until with his gleeful caperings he threatened to overturn the child. Whereupon the child lifted his hand and struck the dog a blow upon the head.
This thing seemed to overpower and astonish the little dark-brown dog, and wounded him to the heart. He sank down in despair at the child's feet. When the blow was repeated, together with an admonition in childish sentences, he turned over upon his back, and held his paws in a peculiar manner. At the same time with his ears and his eyes he offered a small prayer to the child.
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He looked so comical on his back, and holding his paws peculiarly, that the child was greatly amused and gave him little taps repeatedly, to keep him so. But the little dark-brown dog took this chastisement in the most serious way, and no doubt considered that he had committed some grave crime, for he wriggled contritely and showed his repentance in every way that was in his power. He pleaded with the child and petitioned him, and offered more prayers.
At last the child grew weary of this amusement and turned toward home. The dog was praying at the time. He lay on his back and turned his eyes upon the retreating form.
Presently he struggled to his feet and started after the child. The latter wandered in a perfunctory way toward his home, stopping at times to investigate various matters. During one of these pauses he discovered the little dark-brown dog who was following him with the air of a footpad.
The child beat his pursuer with a small stick he had found. The dog lay down and prayed until the child had finished, and resumed his journey. Then he scrambled erect and took up the pursuit again.
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On the way to his home the child turned many times and beat the dog, proclaiming with childish gestures that he held him in contempt as an unimportant dog, with no value save for a moment. For being this quality of animal the dog apologized and eloquently expressed regret, but he continued stealthily to follow the child. His manner grew so very guilty that he slunk like an assassin.
When the child reached his door-step, the dog was industriously ambling a few yards in the rear. He became so agitated with shame when he again confronted the child that he forgot the dragging rope. He tripped upon it and fell forward.

The child sat down on the step and the two had another interview. During it the dog greatly exerted himself to please the child. He performed a few gambols with such abandon that the child suddenly saw him to be a valuable thing. He made a swift, avaricious charge and seized the rope.
He dragged his captive into a hall and up many long stairways in a dark tenement. The dog made willing efforts, but he could not hobble very skilfully up the stairs because he was very small and soft, and at last the pace of the engrossed child grew so energetic that the dog became panic-stricken. In his mind he was being dragged toward a grim unknown. His eyes grew wild with the terror of it. He began to wiggle his head frantically and to brace his legs.
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The child redoubled his exertions. They had a battle on the stairs. The child was victorious because he was completely absorbed in his purpose, and because the dog was very small. He dragged his acquirement to the door of his home, and finally with triumph across the threshold.
No one was in. The child sat down on the floor and made overtures to the dog. These the dog instantly accepted. He beamed with affection upon his new friend. In a short time they were firm and abiding comrades.
When the child's family appeared, they made a great row. The dog was examined and commented upon and called names. Scorn was leveled at him from all eyes, so that he became much embarrassed and drooped like a scorched plant. But the child went sturdily to the center of the floor, and, at the top of his voice, championed the dog. It happened that he was roaring protestations, with his arms clasped about the dog's neck, when the father of the family came in from work.
The parent demanded to know what the blazes they were making the kid howl for. It was explained in many words that the infernal kid wanted to introduce a disreputable dog into the family.
A family council was held. On this depended the dog's fate, but he in no way heeded, being busily engaged in chewing the end of the child's dress.
The affair was quickly ended. The father of the family, it appears, was in a particularly savage temper that evening, and when he perceived that it would amaze and anger everybody if such a dog were allowed to remain, he decided that it should be so. The child, crying softly, took his friend off to a retired part of the room to hobnob with him, while the father quelled a fierce rebellion of his wife. So it came to pass that the dog was a member of the household.
He and the child were associated together at all times save when the child slept. The child became a guardian and a friend. If the large folk kicked the dog and threw things at him, the child made loud and violent objections. Once when the child had run, protesting loudly, with tears raining down his face and his arms outstretched, to protect his friend, he had been struck in the head with a very large saucepan from the hand of his father, enraged at some seeming lack of courtesy in the dog. Ever after, the family were careful how they threw things at the dog. Moreover, the latter grew very skilful in avoiding missiles and feet. In a small room containing a stove, a table, a bureau and some chairs, he would display strategic ability of a high order, dodging, feinting and scuttling about among the furniture. He could force three or four people armed with brooms, sticks and handfuls of coal, to use all their ingenuity to get in a blow. And even when they did, it was seldom that they could do him a serious injury or leave any imprint.
But when the child was present, these scenes did not occur. It came to be recognized that if the dog was molested, the child would burst into sobs, and as the child, when started, was very riotous and practically unquenchable, the dog had therein a safeguard.
However, the child could not always be near. At night, when he was asleep, his dark-brown friend would raise from some black corner a wild, wailful cry, a song of infinite lowliness and despair, that would go shuddering and sobbing among the buildings of the block and cause people to swear. At these times the singer would often be chased all over the kitchen and hit with a great variety of articles.
Sometimes, too, the child himself used to beat the dog, although it is not known that he ever had what could be truly called a just cause. The dog always accepted these thrashings with an air of admitted guilt. He was too much of a dog to try to look to be a martyr or to plot revenge. He received the blows with deep humility, and furthermore he forgave his friend the moment the child had finished, and was ready to caress the child's hand with his little red tongue.
When misfortune came upon the child, and his troubles overwhelmed him, he would often crawl under the table and lay his small distressed head on the dog's back. The dog was ever sympathetic. It is not to be supposed that at such times he took occasion to refer to the unjust beatings his friend, when provoked, had administered to him.
He did not achieve any notable degree of intimacy with the other members of the family. He had no confidence in them, and the fear that he would express at their casual approach often exasperated them exceedingly. They used to gain a certain satisfaction in underfeeding him, but finally his friend the child grew to watch the matter with some care, and when he forgot it, the dog was often successful in secret for himself.
So the dog prospered. He developed a large bark, which came wondrously from such a small rug of a dog. He ceased to howl persistently at night. Sometimes, indeed, in his sleep, he would utter little yells, as from pain, but that occurred, no doubt, when in his dreams he encountered huge flaming dogs who threatened him direfully.
His devotion to the child grew until it was a sublime thing. He wagged at his approach; he sank down in despair at his departure. He could detect the sound of the child's step among all the noises of the neighborhood. It was like a calling voice to him.
The scene of their companionship was a kingdom governed by this terrible potentate, the child; but neither criticism nor rebellion ever lived for an instant in the heart of the one subject. Down in the mystic, hidden fields of his little dog-soul bloomed flowers of love and fidelity and perfect faith.

The child was in the habit of going on many expeditions to observe strange things in the vicinity. On these occasions his friend usually jogged aimfully along behind. Perhaps, though, he went ahead. This necessitated his turning around every quarter-minute to make sure the child was coming. He was filled with a large idea of the importance of these journeys. He would carry himself with such an air! He was proud to be the retainer of so great a monarch.
One day, however, the father of the family got quite exceptionally drunk. He came home and held carnival with the cooking utensils, the furniture and his wife. He was in the midst of this recreation when the child, followed by the dark-brown dog, entered the room. They were returning from their voyages.
The child's practised eye instantly noted his father's state. He dived under the table, where experience had taught him was a rather safe place. The dog, lacking skill in such matters, was, of course, unaware of the true condition of affairs. He looked with interested eyes at his friend's sudden dive. He interpreted it to mean: Joyous gambol. He started to patter across the floor to join him. He was the picture of a little dark-brown dog en route to a friend.
The head of the family saw him at this moment. He gave a huge howl of joy, and knocked the dog down with a heavy coffee-pot. The dog, yelling in supreme astonishment and fear, writhed to his feet and ran for cover. The man kicked out with a ponderous foot. It caused the dog to swerve as if caught in a tide. A second blow of the coffee-pot laid him upon the floor.
Here the child, uttering loud cries, came valiantly forth like a knight. The father of the family paid no attention to these calls of the child, but advanced with glee upon the dog. Upon being knocked down twice in swift succession, the latter apparently gave up all hope of escape. He rolled over on his back and held his paws in a peculiar manner. At the same time with his eyes and his ears he offered up a small prayer.
But the father was in a mood for having fun, and it occurred to him that it would be a fine thing to throw the dog out of the window. So he reached down and grabbing the animal by a leg, lifted him, squirming, up. He swung him two or three times hilariously about his head, and then flung him with great accuracy through the window.

The soaring dog created a surprise in the block. A woman watering plants in an opposite window gave an involuntary shout and dropped a flower-pot. A man in another window leaned perilously out to watch the flight of the dog. A woman, who had been hanging out clothes in a yard, began to caper wildly. Her mouth was filled with clothes-pins, but her arms gave vent to a sort of exclamation. In appearance she was like a gagged prisoner. Children ran whooping.
The dark-brown body crashed in a heap on the roof of a shed five stories below. From thence it rolled to the pavement of an alleyway.
The child in the room far above burst into a long, dirgelike cry, and toddled hastily out of the room. It took him a long time to reach the alley, because his size compelled him to go downstairs backward, one step at a time, and holding with both hands to the step above.

CATS

   One day there were three cats. A white cat, a black cat, and a brown cat. The white cat said "I'm bored. I don't have anyone to play with." The black cat said "I'm bored. I don't have anyone to play with." The brown cat said "I'm bored. I don't have anyone to play with." So they decided to meet at the park. When they got there, they didn't know what to do. The brown cat wanted to roll in the mud, but the black cat wanted to roll in some coal, but the white cat wanted to chase birds. So they had to agree on something. So they agreed to go for a walk. On their way walk they saw a man fixing the phone wires, a man fixing the road, and a man painting his house green. So they stopped walking and started watching him. When he went in to have lunch they knocked over all the paint right on them.

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When they got home their owners didn't recognize them, so they met at the park again. The black cat said "We need to think of a way to get in our homes." While they were thinking the black cat thought of a way to get in their homes, to rinse themselves off in the river. So she said " We could wash ourselves in the river and get the paint off of us so that our owners will recognize us." So that's what they did but when they got out they were wet. But when they got home their owners recognized them. The owners were happy to see their cats and the cats were happy to see their owners.

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FAIRY LAND

Once upon a time there were two little kids named Jesse and Mary Sue.  They were brother and sister. Their mom and dad had divorced years ago. And their dad now was seeing someone else.  She was cruel to them behind their father’s back. She said if they got married, she would make their life’s miserable from the moment she said I do”. One day their dad called them into his room.  When they got in there he told them to sit on the bed, then he said “there’s going to be a new member in the family and a lot of changes too.  What I’m trying to say is I’m getting married”. “What”, they said.  "Quite the surprise isn’t it?" said their father. Father you can’t it’ll ruin our family tree said Jesse. Well I’m sorry kids but I love her, before their father could say anything more they ran out of the house and let the door slam behind them.           
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After walking a while, they finally stopped and realized they were a long way from home in a part of the neighborhood they had never seen before. There were fairies as beautiful as princesses’ birds with the rainbow colors on their feathers all different kinds of animals, beautiful butterflies and the most unexpected fairies they thought they’d only see fairies in there Fairy Tale books.
It soon became dark, Jesse and Mary Sue had fallen asleep on a rock. When Jesse and Mary Sue woke up in the morning, they saw that all the animals were lying next to them. After they’d been there a while the animals bird and fairies started asking how they found their way there.  The children told the truth, they said they’d gotten mad that their father was getting married to a women they didn’t like so they ran away and when they stopped they were there.  After telling them that the animals said they were glad they found their way because now they had someone to play with.
Then they introduced the princess of the fairies, her name was Patty. Her dad, the king of the fairies, called her Patty the Pooh.  She was very pretty, she had short Blonde hair with a crown made out of gold and an outfit fit for a princess. The princess said she had good news, one of the fairies was going to have a baby fairy. Everyone congratulated her.  Then she went on, we found out a few weeks ago but we didn’t want to jinx it. Everyone congratulated her again and went to bed. The next morning she had the baby. She decided to name her Julia. When she turned one and was able to walk Jesse and Mary Sue were still there. It was Saturday when Jesse and Mary Sue were about to leave and then they heard a familiar voice and decided to stay for another night.
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Early in the morning the next day, they heard it again so they got out of bed to see were it was coming from, but on there way out of Fairyland, they woke up. Julia liked to go on adventures so, of course, she wanted to come with them. So the three went to see were the voice was coming from, they followed the voice to a cave and peeked inside. Jesse and Mary Sue could not believe what they saw. It was their step mom, she was talking to someone but they weren’t sure whom it was. Julia knew who it was.
Mary Sue and Jesse asked Julia who their step-mom was talking to. It’s the demon, she replied, he has a son too.   When he gets older he’ll do what his dads doing, His dad is very evil. Years ago everybody in fairyland challenged him. They said whoever won got the land and the other person had to go some were else. And the demon lost so he had to move out here. But why would our step-mom be talking to him that sounds really weird. Maybe she’s a demon too, said Jesse. No I don’t think that could happen, said Julia, but maybe because nobody knows who's the little demons mother. Julia continued, we have to get home and warn daddy, Mary Sue said.
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        So the next morning they told everyone they had to go, they had to go warn their dad. So they said their goodbyes and were off but then Julia’s mom stopped them and asked if they would take Julia with them, they said they would and then her mom continued, it would be the biggest adventure she ever had. Then Julia thanked her mom and her mom thanked Jesse and Mary Sue and then they told them they would be back soon and then they left fairyland.
Now Julia knew this was going to be the biggest adventure she ever had because she’d never been this far out of fairyland before and she was excited. Jesse and Mary Sue told her that when they were at their house she has to hide and Julia agreed. So when they arrived, Julia did as she was told and hid behind a plant in the living room. In their father’s room they were telling him about who they had seen and were they had seen her, of course, their father, who found this a little hard to believe, welcomed them with open arms but then said I think you two are sick. Come and lay down a while.
Dad! They both said we’re not sick, we really saw her. How could you if she was right here by me the whole time you were gone. The only time she left was when she went to the store and got groceries. We don’t under stand, where is she now she went to get groceries. Fairyland! They both said at the exacted same time. They both ran out the door with Julia following behind them but this time their dad followed them, hoping he would find out what was going on.

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src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKvoJBsYZey2sBlq0cswlgmq9EJcq7Qf_pQZGYYXv_m6C3sJu-UG7ISzpi3y0KmnfRZjcFVFujkYAMvK4CF1C3KLCqhO5qj_IlF4_p85JkywLRttACfsQXBSoyytG2kQOkh6qsCxRVWBLW/s1600/GYTF.gif" />As soon as they got there and the dad had a chance to catch up he asked them what was going on, they said that they would explain again later. Then they went to the cave were they had seen her but she wasn’t there. Now their father was beginning to think this was all a joke. When he saw their step mom and his future wife, she was coming out of a secret passage in the cave. Then all four of them went back to the fairies and asked them if they knew about it. The fairy’s said no except one. He said he’d been trying to find out what was

The door then opened and Mary Sue clinched onto Jesse’s hand so hard it was turning red, the pass way looked like fairyland except there were no fairies. Then! They saw it a golden door but it had a keyhole. Where would they find a key that big, they were puzzled so they sat down to think. Then they all decided to go back to fairyland but when they said the magic password someone they had not been warned about spotted them. He grabbed them by they’re arms and made them walk with him, they tried to escape but he wouldn’t let go. He was the demon’s companion his name was Alfred but everyone called him Al.
He took them to the demon who was being carried on a mattress and all he was doing was eating grapes and giving all the girls he’s phone number, not very impressive if you ask me. Then finally after stuffing a handful of grapes in he’s mouth he said I thought you’d be coming here soon after I saw you two spying on me and that kind lady I was talking to. "She's our step mom and she’s not kind at all."
I never knew kids could be so rude to someone who truly loves them, take them away, take them away said the demon I can’t stand them any longer. Jesse, Mary Sue and they’re Father were handcuffed to a shelf in a closet.  Julia was locked in a cage in the corner of the closet but you couldn’t see her because a shirt was covering her. "Maybe there’s a secret hiding place the Demon puts a key in to unlock and lock the door", "Good idea." Julia said. Mary Sue started looking for a piece of wood that would come out of the wall with the one hand that wasn’t handcuffed.
Soon it was late and she still hadn’t found anything and in no time she fell asleep along with her brother, her dad and Julia. In the morning when Mary Sue woke up she accidentally hit the wall when she was stretching. Hey guys, I think I found something she said. It was a loose board, when the board fell out there was a big key behind it. This looks like a key for something very important I’ll put it in my pocket. I think I know what that important thing is, let’s go.

So they went back to where they had last seen the demon and again found him laying down being feed grapes by all the girls. When they saw him they said we know your plan and we have the key you hid in the room you locked us in "but I have a spare, did you actually think I’d put the key in the same room I locked you in with out a spare", said the demon. While the demon was talking Julia had came up with an idea of her own and was already starting it. She slipped behind the demon and knocked the key out of his hand.
"Actually I did" she said just catching the key in her hand and now that I have both keys your plan is history she added and “we’re off to save fairyland”. Not so fast said the demon, "did you really think I’d fall for that too?" as two guards stepped out from behind the bushes. They were tall demons even taller then the demon and himself.  Julia, Mary sue, Jesse and their father all ran as fast as they could, then they saw a cave and ran but it didn’t take to long for the guards to sniff them out, they came running after them.
Then Julia, Jesse, his sister and their dad saw a waterfall, they took their only chance and jumped with a deep breath, but of course Julia flew. When they landed, they swam to the surface and realized they were back where they started at the big door. They put the key in and all the sudden the demon came but they opened the door and they hurried in, before the demon could catch them.
Then all the sudden they know what to do, they said the magic words which were “open pass way” and then they picked a magic flower and put it in the pot they saw in the middle of the room and the flower turned into a liquid which they poured on the demon, his son which turned them into who they where before. The demon was the fairy prince, his son was a normal kid and the guards were mice. As for they’re step mom well this effected her too she came out as a kind lady and said hi I’m sorry if was mean to you before the demon which is now the fairy prince had me under a evil spell, they all forgave her. 

FUNNY JOKES

 FUNNY JOKE

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"Now is the time for all men to come to the aid of their country."
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"I won!"
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"Two souls, alas, dwell in my breast, and each seeks to rule without the other."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Blueberries as big as quarters!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Seeing you makes my inner labia moist with love lava."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The mayor is well thought of."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Uncle Ike, a doctor, smoked too much even though he continued to warn his patients not to smoke."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Matt always orders anchovy pizza."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Colon cancer kills 56,300 Americans a year."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Love can be magical, but it doesn't happen on its own."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In 1997, biologists discovered more than 16,000 minute species in caves in Spain."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Chalk one up on the BM chart."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Did I tell you I'm moving out?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am mother nature."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Gentlemen prefer blondes."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"My 27-year-old daughter recently got engaged to a great guy from Cleveland."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Your life has a limit but knowledge has none."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You know what happened to the Romans?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"That's no infant."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There are five basic forces at work in the internet tax question."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Virtue is the establishment of perfect harmony."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It's regrettable that an anniversary of national anguish has been commandeered by the Clinton-Gore administration and many in the national media to advance their political agenda."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There is no evidence of anything sexual."
 

  

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I received life because the time had come; I will lose it because the order of things passes on."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I will now explain what I think is a reasonable scenario."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Hey there people, I'm Bobby Brown."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm no good at math."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The only animals in this house are cats."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Answer me or I'll have you debrained!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Do you have any children?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In 1918, the Bureau of Reclamation submitted a report."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We're getting farther and farther away from France."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Is this a type of criminal action?"
                                                      
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Green is the color of hope."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We'll inflict severe punishment when we have more leisure."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"How did you become familiar with this reputation of ours in the community?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The creature may not be dead yet."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You have heard of the knowledge that knows, but you have never heard of the knowledge that does not know."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Well, I don't run the biology department."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"American folklore has created a number of important national heroes, among them Abraham Lincoln."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm so hungry."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Nostalgia really sucks."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Hi ho Silver!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I don't think this picture was taken from the rear bedroom window."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Oh, its so late, we should be getting home."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The Catholic Church went to hell about three or four centuries ago."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You know this doesn't mean I love you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Our loving hearts and warm happy family await your newborn."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why Martha . . . Your Sunday chapel dress!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Are the Miranda warnings required by the Constitution, or are they merely safeguards?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What the hell do you mean screaming up the stairs at me like that?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It is easy to cheat when you work for men, but hard to cheat when you work for heaven."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"A cocoon-shaped shell of galaxies about 650 million light-years across is the largest structure found in the Universe to date."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Bing-bing-bong-BOOM!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There are six stages along the mystic path."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There you are, my pet."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I saw some pigs nursing at the body of their dead mother."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm a doctor of the soul."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"GOOD GRIEF–IT'S DADDY!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I been to three county fairs and a goat-fuckin' and I ain't never seen the like of that."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why, you small-time, chiseling bastard, you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Please give this a chance."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Is there such a thing as supreme happiness in the world or isn't there?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I think you've got the wrong person here."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Holy frigging God, what ecstacy!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Nothing is more dangerous than an accomplice."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I much prefer you to a man!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In March 1998, scientists at Tsukuba and Tokyo universities created insect robots by fusing the antennae of silkmoths with wheeled robots containing electronic ‘brains.'"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Who ARE you guys?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"One must have principles in matters of love."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"One ball, one strike."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You're not human."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You little bastard."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Look, you're a professional."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I truly believe that you have the… true insight, the true wisdom, the true feeling, and I believe you know my great need of you!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"My cholesterol is very high."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What's your name, pal?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Here comes Roger Maris."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I don't think I'll ever understand your family."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Nngghh! Gaah!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This pencil is five inches long."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We all live like cockroaches in the crevices of our twisted imagination."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I hope my reputation will be founded upon my new deeds."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Come here, little one, I'd whip thee a bit."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You want a night's lodging?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"ARE ALIENS GREEN?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You have acted nobly."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why did you do that to my poor little boy?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Run or you'll be shot!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I can't see."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Shall I fix us some coffee?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This is very interesting."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want to make an inquiry if I might."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You will call me, won't you?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want to give myself to you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Well, I can't condone thievery."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Cleveland is so much like Buffalo."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Mmmph."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"So, anyway, here we are, and I don't know how to proceed from here, frankly."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Would you like to get together Saturday night?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"More and more residences appear to be developed more for automobiles than their human occupants."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I won't learn from you!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There's a rumor someone drowned in the sewer."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It is not the season for love."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"My great-grandfather is the man in the photograph."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This isn't science as far as I'm concerned."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"All former customers are welcome."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I feel a little low, you know what I mean?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want to teach botany."
                                                                            
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I can't entirely hide my passion from you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Take me to the nurse."

    

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm not a demon; I'm possessed by a demon."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Is America's willingness to use force against Iraq just a continuation of previous policies?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"From the point of view of function, if we regard a thing as useful because there is a certain usefulness to it, then among all the ten thousand things there are none that are not useful."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You like to do drugs?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm going to kill you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"To have the leader of the free world be persecuted in a public arena does nothing for the country."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I went to my family doctor first and he suggested I see you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am heartbroken."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This is not a crime."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Whoa, am I dead?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm a little nervous, would you mind if I took off my shoes?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have garlic if you want to borrow some."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Biotechnology is reshaping space."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In a revolution, many things must be done."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I know that bad things happen to good people."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Basketball has given me every single thing in my life -- everything."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why don't we make another appointment next week?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You can't have the police knocking on the door at three o'clock in the morning, taking sixteen and seventeen-year-old girls to camps outside of town without laying the basis for assassination."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Welcome to my house."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It just sucks getting old."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Don't underestimate AT&T."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Please leave me alone."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The Statue of Liberty is an awe-inspiring national monument, symbolizing how America opened its arms to European immigrants."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am not your lawyer."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am your father."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm not a doctor."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm a national treasure."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Ted left a couple of hours ago."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It's late here and I got a big golf game tomorrow."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have plenty of psychological debates with myself about the entities: are they really separate, are they aspects of me under the archetypal "other guy" image, are they aliens or ascended masters or… but really, I guess it doesn't matter."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"With two guns I could control that bay."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Oh, you've been to France?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I can't see the picnic tables."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I hear you snoring."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I've got a love for you that can only be cleaned up with a mop and bucket."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm so glad I'm not wearing my glasses."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I live in a city similar to other cities in the world."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In many spider species the maternal relationship ends when the eggs are laid, and the mother never sees her young."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Everything is disposable, including people."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have a fork in my hand."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Two thousand years ago, a crew of members of the Kingdom of Heaven who are responsible for nurturing ‘gardens,' determined that a percentage of the human ‘plants' of the present civilization of this Garden (Earth) had developed enough that some of those bodies might be ready to be used as ‘containers' for soul deposits."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm not offering any credentials at this time."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"World reserves of uranium are more that adequate to satisfy reactor requirements to well beyond 2020."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This appears to be a result of my violent criminal history."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We can engage in a struggle for a better future."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This is small potatoes."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Two thumbs up!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This just does not hold water."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have redeeming qualities."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have an interest in animals."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have an idea about Sri Lanka."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Your hair's gotten so light."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Bob is touching me."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have been married to a wonderful man for twenty-three years."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Napoleon Bonaparte's penis was removed at autopsy by a team of French and Belgium doctors and first put up for auction at Christie's in 1972."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Batter my heart, three-personed God."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Peyote rhymes with ‘Hey Jodie.'"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Punish me, baby."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Thank you all for coming."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"How many more children must this happen to before somebody chooses to do something about it?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What do light blue and dark blue have in common?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am not an athlete anymore."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Prepare your neural pathways for transmutation."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want a victim."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"One of the things that interests me at this particular moment is seahorses."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There's no known antidote for the Sudanese red spitting cobra."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am looking at the garden of earthly delights."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"When I came to I was in the hands of silent, unnameable surgeons."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"When the public finally realizes that they face a future of perpetual economic stagnation and decay due to the end of cheap oil, what's to prevent nuclear energy proponents from convincing them that nuclear energy promises the means of rescuing them from that fate?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Horse and oxen have four feet."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm here to fix the swimming pool."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"From now on it will be possible to talk to you about the Great Principle."